How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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