before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
