In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
