if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
