We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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