It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
