You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
did i just pee glitter
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