either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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