fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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