i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
