Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
