Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize