last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
