So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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