so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
