he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
