he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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