are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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