all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
