Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
