I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
