Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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