if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
