Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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