the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
