You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
