yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
