Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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