and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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