The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
