And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
