If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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