Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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