Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
