I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
