my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
