i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
