Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
