Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
