in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
