well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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