you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
