I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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