I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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