i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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