Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
