I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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