dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
