Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
