On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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