Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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