Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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