THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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