a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
