Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize