Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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