and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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