Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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