man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
