are you so shy because you have an std?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
