i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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