Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
