How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
