we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
