Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My balls are so social today.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize