also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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