Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am one with the molecules
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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